By Paul Goldfinger, Editor @Blogfinger
Scene: Wegmans under 15 items aisle. A woman is getting checked out, but the process is unusually slow. The bag checker is having an issue. Behind her is a man, maybe in his 60’s, gray haired, with a shirt and tie, as if he had been at work. He is waiting to pay for two items. I am behind him, and he seems like the sort of guy who might exchange a few words with me while we’re waiting. He’s facing sideways, so I’m looking at his profile. During our true conversation, he never looks me in the eye.
Me: “Are you an impatient person?”
He: just looks ahead.
Me: “I’m impatient.”
He: just looks ahead, but he turns slightly and smiles, so I know that he can hear.
Me: I start fiddling with my wallet to find the store card and the credit card; need something to do since this guy is giving me the silent treatment. So I do what every bored person does these days—whip out my iPhone and check things. I also try to guess what’s going on in his head. As a doctor, I’m always looking for a diagnosis.
This experience reminds me of when the Ocean Grove United crowd (including some who are my Grovarian neighbors) gave me the silent treatment at their recent Great Auditorium Sunday silent demonstration. It’s also the same with the OGHOA whose Board has an actual silent treatment policy towards Blogfinger. It’s the only policy of theirs that actually is effective.
If any of you see me in the Grove, please say something so I’ll know that I haven’t gone deaf.
NOTE: “The silent treatment is an abusive method of control, punishment, avoidance, or disempowerment (sometimes these four types overlap, sometimes not) that is a favorite tactic of narcissists, and especially those who have a hard time with impulse control, that is, those with more infantile tendencies.” (ref: Wikipedia)
BLOSSOM DEARIE with a quiet song, “Corcovado.’
Thank you Nancy. Now I know what I’ve been missing at the HOA meetings.
But I must disagree: If you don’t vote, you still can have a “say in what happens.” You merely exercise your free speech in whatever other way suits you. In the case of voting for the Neptune Committee, Ocean Grovers could make a good argument that voting for that office would have been a waste of time. Also, you refer to neighbors who don’t vote, but how many of your neighbors have second homes in OG and thus are not allowed to vote here?
Commenting on Blogfinger is a more effective way to “have a say” because thousands of people will read your ideas, and you will not only “have a say” but you can influence public opinion towards change.
HOA improvements have included agendas for the meetings, prompt posting of minutes on the website, an open attitude for conversation and discussion at meetings.
The complainers I am describing are neighbors who are quick to criticize, but then tell me they did not vote.If you don’t vote, then you have no say in what happens.
Nancy C.: Since you do attend HOA meetings and many do not, how about telling us what those candidates said about specific Ocean Grove issues, particularly the one new Democrat who was elected to the Committee.
Regarding “things have changed for the better,” please tell us how things are better.
As for how many complainers actually voted, please tell us what complainers you are talking about and whether you believe that not voting disqualifies someone from complaining.
Thanks, Paul
For those who aren’t attending OGHOA meetings, things have changed for the better in the last few years and all are welcome.
It is unfortunate that the homeowner’s association has put you on “Radio Silence”. We as a community appreciate your reporting and I as an individual feel that an open dialogue would be of benefit to the membership. I am part of the membership and strongly urge the leaders of the association to remove the “persona non grata” status of our trumpet of justice.