Blogfinger

By Paul Goldfinger, MD, Editor Blogfinger.net

Found on the window of a Grover’s car parallel parked legally. July, 2018

By Paul Goldfinger, MD

At first glance this may seem to be a Dead Sea Scroll. But actually it is a note left on the windshield of an Ocean Grove resident. The resident had been away and left her car for two weeks parked near her home.  The writer mistakenly seems to believe that he  is somehow entitled to have the parking space in front of his house reserved for him.

He also seems to be psychic, seemingly assuming that the car  could not possibly belong to a Grover.  “We’re tight on spaces here.”   The writer’s tone is pleasant, but the content is not, since he assumes that the owner is neither “kind” nor “considerate.”  The writer is more than mistaken—-the writer is delusional and a victim of  OGPDS   ( OG Parking Derangement Syndrome—aka PDS.)

In another incident recently the owner of a building on Lake Avenue, who rents his apartments to Airbnb customers, was screaming  (according to an eye witness) at people who wanted to park nearby, accusing them of being Asburian interlopers who shouldn’t park  in OG  “for free.”  He wanted the spaces for his renters.

We have been posting a steady stream of “games people play” as they fight the “parking wars” in the Grove. The craziness that people engage in is well known including innovative ways to save spaces, putting cones or other objects in spaces, taking advantage of  driveways to save spaces, or creatively spacing cars to get two spaces with one car.

In another recent incident, a woman set up a chair in a parking space, reading a book while protecting the space, waiting for her out-of-state visitor to arrive.

The bottom line is that people in Ocean Grove do something that most residents of other towns do not do:  they obsess on parking issues when the town is crowded, or even when it is not.  I lived in about seven different towns before moving here, and I never gave parking a second thought.  Now I find myself strategizing to get and keep a space, while later getting to drive somewhere such as a grocery store or a pharmacy, and then returning to find a space   (fat chance!)

Many Grovers with PDS  are incapacitated, held captive, by the parking quest, leaving their cars irreversibly parked all weekend.  They exhibit obsessive/compulsive behavior, watching the coming and going of parkers and trying to figure out what they are up to  (“I bet they are going to the Beer Hall  in Asbury where they will make noise on the roof and then weave back to the Grove noisily to find their vehicles and to make me miserable. at 3 am”)

One person I know leaves her car parked all weekend while taking cabs to and from work.  Another changed her church so as not to have to drive on Sunday in OG.

Lately we have been hearing complaints about Airbnb renters who have friends show up for weekend fun—5 or 6 cars. When a stable OG resident   (2 cars) sells his house to someone who will use it for Airbnb rentals, it may create  a different environment in the neighborhood regarding parking spaces and other quality of life issues.

A Mt. Hermon Way resident said that someone on his block rented an Airbnb house.  They came and parked 3 cars during their stay plus guests taking up much of the block.

He says that Airbnb is a “commercial business,” and as such, should not be allowed in a residential zone. Isn’t that a fascinating zoning issue?

The same resident complained to the owner of such a house about the parking glut. The owner responded by saying that the house will be advertised as “parking is difficult, so park your car and don’t move it during your stay..”  Very often these renters are sleeping here and going to A. Park at night, so we are becoming a “bedroom community” for Asbury.

Another  resident told me she put out cones last weekend and that the renters have done that as well.

The end results of the syndrome, besides obsessive-compulsive behavior are paranoia, hysteria, delusions, crazy eyes, anger, anxiety, condescending speech  (“Try to be considerate,”)  aggression, depression, self-pity, fantasizing  (eg throwing someone’s motor bike into the Lake,) xenophobia, or Asburyphobia.

It is tempting to see young people parking in the Grove on a Saturday night and imagining that they are a bunch of dissolute dot.com millionaires or perhaps some gays going to the Empress, or horny 20 somethings heading to the land of milk and honeys.

Or maybe you have noticed some other manifestations of this syndrome. Please comment below.

The Parking Derangement Syndrome—-PDS—- can be disabling and can be cured by selling your car.  Just walk or take public transportation to get around.  You can also buy a parked car. Or you can, as some have done, get disgusted and move to Spring Lake or even Seaside Heights where they have parking lots.

THE ROYAL TEENS:    “Crazy Eyes for You.”