This piece was written on day three of the hurricane with later adjustments after consultation with Dr. Joel Newman (see below)
By Paul Goldfinger, MD. Re-post from Ocean Grove, NJ. 2012. Blogfinger.net
Grovers gather at 5 am on October 29, 2012. Paul Goldfinger photo.
One thing about this crisis is that a minor sociological miracle was noticeable: neighbors were speaking to neighbors that they normally don’t talk to. That happened yesterday as a small clump of men and women—neighbors, including me— were gathered on the corner of Delaware Avenue and Mt. Hermon Way.
10/29/2012. Neighbors gather at Mt. Hermon Way and Delaware. Paul Goldfinger photo. Blogfinger.net
We were chattering away about issues that had no answers. When will the power come on was the big question. We agreed that it would be later rather than sooner. As a result of our concerns, we all became a lot friendlier—a consequence of the misery loves company theory perhaps?
But this explanation seemed too simple, so we decided to consult Ocean Grover Joel Newman , MPH, PhD, retired psychologist and active screenplay writer.
Joel says that extreme situations such as this hurricane may cause people to reach out to others such as neighbors. He describes a phenomenon wherein people who are stressed by fearful circumstances experience a need to reorganize their personal priorities and to seek out new relationships with others who share their situation. In order for this to happen, their usual “facades come down” including their usual “boundaries.” These psychological changes allow them to “form new human connections and social bonds.”
According to Joel, “There is a deepening of compassion for other people who are victims. We all suffer, endure and prevail.” And, in the process, there are “many spontaneous considerate behaviors which occur which benefit all concerned.”
So, as the crisis ends, Joel sees an opportunity to wind up in a better psychologic place where old bonds are strengthened while new ones continue. Stick with those new connections and your life will be enriched.
In addition, Joel says that other more minor setbacks in life may also afford the opportunity for individuals to be energized and to emerge better-off in the end.
It reminds me of the quote attributed to Friedrich Neitzsche who said, “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”
Great article! I was very friendly with Dr Joel when i lived in Ocean Grove. Enjoyed morning coffee with him almost daily, every insightful man, brilliant actually. He is correct in his observation after Sandy. At the time of the storm i had already been living in Point Pleasant Beach 2 blocks from the ocean. We stayed with neighbors further inland. The house we were renting ended up being flooded ,we lost everything. The house became uninhabitable. Devastating for myself and my family, some people were helpful but some were angered after many days without power or a way to get food and gas. I was very stressed and concerned for my family. You could only get gas on certain days according to your license plate numbers. That means you couldn’t go to the grocery store or return to work. I experienced a shift during the storm and afterwards, wonder if others had also?-Lisa Foster Kazaks
Although I have always found OG to be very friendly it was/is even more so post Sandy. Similar to how NYC got friendlier after 9-11 . ‘Tis a shame it can’t be this way all the time regardless of a current situational event. We should consider this and go forward with this positive energy. Would be a beautiful enrichment to both our individual selves and those we interact with.
I’ve found this to be so true – People smile, chat, ask how you are, and say thank you more often as they buy coffee, find the bus, sit next to you, walk by you on the street, stand next to you looking at the beach/boardwalk/sand pile/snow pile.