This is a model showing what the device looks like. Internet photo
Scene: My bedroom in Ocean Grove 10 pm. I was to undergo an at-home sleep study by wearing electrodes around my forehead and a flexible tube in my nose while I sleep. The office gave me the number of tech support in case I have any questions. So I got all hooked up, but there was a special sensor on my forehead that I had a question about:
Me: 10 pm: Dialing the number of tech support.
Tech Support: Recorded message: “Hello, this is tech support for sleep study patients. We are closed now. If you have any questions, call us at 9 am.”
Me: “Customer service is declining in our society.” I hooked it up by guessing what to do.
Sleep device 3 am. It speaks and I wake up: “Your tube is out of your nose. Please fix it.” I did.
Sleep device 4;30 am. It speaks and I wake up: “Your head sensors are out of position. Please fix the head band.” I did.
Me 8 am. The headband was too tight and I now have a headache requiring medication. I get up and feel crappy after interrupted sleep.
The end of the story: I expect to receive a report that I have interrupted sleep and require a tube in my nose, attached to a machine, every night for as long as I live. Will I agree to that? Probably not.
BETTE MIDLER from her album It’s the Girls
I would like to borrow your sleep machine so it can remind me to put out the garbage. Thank you.
This piece was meant to be humorous. (“True Conversations.”) It is not our intent to start a conversation on how to diagnose and treat sleep apnea. Thank you, but no thank you, to those who sent comments along those lines.
I will just say that the diagnostic device described is a home screening tool. It was ordered by a board certified pulmonologist/sleep specialist. The next step, if necessary, would be a traditional study in a sleep center. —Paul @Blogfinger