The new ways we communicate raise a variety of questions about manners. Emails are instantaneous, to be distinguished from a letters which may take a few days to be delivered. In the past, it was acceptable to leave letters unanswered for a week. But does the speed of email mean that the answers must be rushed? Let’s take a shot at this question of manners by suggesting an arbitrary time limit. Feel free to comment if needed to make your point. —Paul Goldfinger
Poll: Do good manners require that emails be answered immediately? If not now, when?
January 16, 2013 by Blogfinger
4 Responses
I agree with Al, “it depends” on so many factors. If I get an unexpected email from an old friend that I have not heard from in awhile, I am inclined to answer right away. I don’t feel that not answering immediately to a constant contact is rude. It depends on the content and what response is required. Often no response is needed. Our inboxes are inundated with email and I don’t expect everyone to just say “hi I got your email”. If they did, then do I send them an email saying “thanks” and then sit around and fret over if they say “you’re welcome”? What would Emily Post say?
I believe that you should always respond to a message. Either with a personal message of your own or a polite “Thank You” or “I got your message” or “Thanks for the link….as soon as I have time to read it, I will send you a longer response”. Because you are right, Paul, you don’t always know what the other person is thinking. If it’s just a “Hi, how are you?”, maybe the sender is worried about you or they, themselves, just want a friend to talk to.
I do believe good manners, whether in person or via the internet, have really gone to the wayside since I was a kid!
Al: The problem with your complicated manners solution is that it focuses on only your reactions. But you often don’t know what the sender’s expectations are. Maybe you can guess if it’s your mother, but you usually can’t predict what the sender is thinking. Email manners, like all manners, are about courtesy towards the other party. Haven’t you experienced someone who got annoyed with your delay in responding to an email? I have.
Another variation on this theme is when the recipient doesn’t bother opening the email right away or ever. Also, are you obligated to take the time to read a link that someone sends you? Truth be told, most of the time I hate to receive links, because it is time and work to read them and then send back a polite thank you, or probably what is expected–an analysis of the link.
The answer, of course, is “it depends.” If an email is about an urgent matter, or is sent in a business context, usually waiting three days is too long. However, if, for example, an occasional acquaintance or family member is getting back in touch after some time and is just sort of catching up, I don’t see any reason it can’t politely be answered some days later when it’s convenient for you. Context is everything.
Expectations also play a role. It doesn’t surprise me if my mother doesn’t respond to my emails in a timely fashion. She may go days without turning on her computer. On the other hand, if I’ve sent an email to someone who obsessively stares at his or her BlackBerry or iPhone, well, I know he or she has probably seen my message and is taking their own sweet time in responding. If you are the obsessive checker, then you need to be aware that a lack of a response may indicate to the sender that you are intentionally ignoring his or her message.