Season’s greetings from the Pine Barrens, New Jersey. By Paul Goldfinger © 2013
By Paul Goldfinger, Editor @Blogfinger (reposted from 11/29/13)
At Wegmans this morning they were already playing Christmas music. Ironically, they call today “Black Friday”–an odd name for a day that should still be basking in the glow of a happy, happy, merry, merry holiday. An employee that I barely know breezed by and said, “Happy Hanukkah.” I didn’t have time to respond, but I thought, why is she wishing me happy anything?— I don’t really know her. I was already a bit numb from so many people in stores and elsewhere saying, “Happy Thanksgiving.” What’s the point? No amount of good wishes would have any impact on the happiness of my Thanksgiving. And then you have to say “Happy Thanksgiving” back, even though I don’t care about their Thanksgiving. What a drag.
When I was in practice, patients would come in and wish me a “Happy Hanukkah.” So I would wish them a “Merry Christmas,” but these greetings always struck me as awkward. For one thing, what makes them think I’m Jewish? I never told them. Maybe I’m a Moroccan Muslim. I would prefer that they wish me a “Merry Christmas” so that I can fit right in. Then I won’t have to answer questions like, “Is it the fourth or fifth night now?” I seldom know exactly what night it is. Besides, I know they think that Hanukkah is the Jewish Christmas, and I wish I could explain that it is not even close. In my house, when I was a kid, we said a blessing, lit the candles and ate. That was it. And just one present, if I was lucky.
So I went up to the café in Wegmans and sat down to have coffee and a bagel and fiddle around with my iPad. I’m wearing earphones, so I didn’t hear the man come up to me. When I sensed his presence, I looked up and there is a gentleman with whom I sometimes chat at Wegmans. He said that he finds all these merry, merry, happy, happy greetings to be a bit disturbing, because so many people are suffering in the world. He mentioned the Central African Republic where, he said, “genocide” was occurring and also Syria, a place where he spent two years in the past. There they are having death, destruction and a huge refugee problem.
I suggested to him that perhaps Americans are a bit delusional because they don’t know about such places. I never heard of the Central African Republic, so he told me that it used to be a French colony. I always learn stuff at Wegmans. Today I found out that the mashed potatoes are in the dairy department. Go figure!
OK, I know, you all think I’m a curmudgeon, or something else. But we all have our pet peeves. Do you have any pet peeves as it pertains to the happy, happy, merry, merry “holiday season?”
And that’s another darn thing: Say “Merry Christmas” and not “Happy Holiday.” We’re all big boys; even big girls are big boys these days. Americans can handle the possibility of being insulted. Let’s all jettison some piece of political correctness this year. Let’s lighten up this happy, happy, merry, merry season and wish everybody a new greeting. Try something unexpected like, “Ain’t that somethin’?”
And if you see me, wish me a “Merry Christmas.” You’ll find me wandering around the Wegmans lot looking for my bloody car.
THE DIMMER TWINS (“True Blue Aussie Christmas album”)